well what a day...TimeOut! pretty good event...thought i could cut it as a team leader...in the end...proved wrong. well i got all the qualities of a BAD team leader : indecisiveness, wrong frequency with everyone else, dunno what to do at all(yeah, despite all the briefings), and oh yeah, more indecisiveness. led my group to only God knows where, lost team members, late, had to wear that paper bag and all those stuff...only shows how lousy i am...even worse...got lost and had to call for directions...in the end missed the keyfinding event. yeah...we supposed to go there to find the keys and rescue some captives. by the time we reached there, key found, captives rescued, mission accomplished and highfives and pats on the back already given out. yeah, its that stupid team leader who cant make decisions, cant get the group moving, cant speak loud enough...yeah its all his fault.
not to mention gospel-sharing-time. who ever thought that me could share gospel? what a mistake. screwed up the whole thing, whole time didnt know what i talking abt...what gospel is that? probably sent a few lives to hell and not pointed those souls heavenward. sigh...sometimes i wonder WHAT i can do other than slack. cant even manage my prayer life or Word life properly. and u want me to go out there? and screw up more lives?
- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, March 13, 2005

 
there's a saying that grace is getting what you don't deserve. i can't agree more as to how true it is. for my o level results are simply grace. i wonder how i got a score of 14 for my L1R5. considering that i scored 21 for my prelims, that's nothing short of a miracle. yes, it must have been a miracle. of course, it isn't really that good. but given the effort i put in, well, it IS a miracle. and i thank God for that, He's the only who can make miracles, the only One who made something out of nothing.

sometimes as i read other blogs, i wonder if i should simply forget about my time in gm. forget about all the people there. burn their contacts. delete them from my address book. and start afresh in jc. in fact, i wonder if i've any friends at all. u can say i'm jealous, i'm too full of my self. what ever. i just feel that my 4 years have been wasted. yeah. sometimes i feel my entire life's been wasted. what for study so hard? in the end i still fail my exams. my parents will never be satisfied with my results because there's always someone who scored better than me. they will never see what i need or what i want. they only see their needs and wants. so? my entire life has simply been an endless cycle of study, play eat. study, play, eat. what for continue with this stupid life? it's got no meaning for me anymore.so what if i'm a 6-pointer? no matter which jc or poly i go, the same will occur. study, eat sleep. study, eat, sleep. i hate this life. somebody kill me.
- posted by wei chuan @ Tuesday, March 01, 2005

 
well, the Day has come. in just a couple hours time i'm going to receive my results along with about 50,000 more students my age. yet i feel funny. a little nervous, but more of "let's get this over and done with". i don't know why i feel this way. yeah. i know. i screwed it all up. big time. but what can i do? at this point its too late to do anything. i can only wait for the results to come, like lambs to the slaughter. yeah, i'm kind of feeling down also. wonder why; mood swings? seems everyone has them, whether it be nyjc or ijc.

so i guess that my time in ijc is up. just 2 months there have changed my attitude to that place. "that" is no longer spoken with derision but with a kind of fondness. yea its far but i've gotten used to it. its going to be a nice place(not finished construction yet). the tutors are quite good, mostly. pity i'll probably be leaving. otherwise it would be a nice place to spend 2 years in.

dont really feel like blogging now. i'll update later with my results.
- posted by wei chuan @ Monday, February 28, 2005

 
well this week's finally over...siong week...nice week where i finally broke e wednesday curse...somehow seems last few weeks wednesdays always got some reason then cant come...super crazy week...3 tests...well its actually 2 cuz i missed school on fri...and 1S08 i DIDNT skip...darn alarm clock didnt ring scold that thing claim mc from it...wadever...
still groaning from aches attributed to that rifle! yeah! haha went on wednesday still recovering and also pe...teletubby hill again...
thinking back realised many ppl got false impressions of me...some ppl think that cuz i join shooting means i'm a sniper or what...haha well thats not the case...i'm not that good...YET.
life in innova is pretty ok...fun if u dont count the lectures which can be boring sometimes...and aircon spoiled on thurs...HOT in the LTs...almost sweating...and somehow some people still wearing jackets...they must be really outta their minds...PE actually rather fun if u skip on afternoons(thats the serious torturing) but at least when they say run 5 rounds around teletubby hill they run with u...and when they say 60 pumping they do with u...pretty good...what else? people there not bad...1S08 isnt bad and food is not that good...

- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, February 06, 2005

 
sick...3 tests...one down...maths...still got bio and physics. the workloads so hard, i'm up to my ears in tutorials...as of now i've got like 5 tutorials smiling at me and 2 tests waiting menacingly...and in the space of one week already had 2 headaches(the kind that makes u want to die)...been popping panadols like mad...why i keep falling sick? workload too tough? travel time too long? or issit just bad air at woodlands? my body certainly doesnt agree with jc life...thats my conclusion...
on the other hand, i did make new friends...including one from my primary school...but i still miss secondary school...the good'ol days when we were still together...cant forget the clowns-to-be...hope u two still clowning around and bringing laughter to ur CGs...well...dinner awaits...ravenous...after that gotta tackle more tutorials...so long...

- posted by wei chuan @ Monday, January 31, 2005

 
well its been three weeks...definitely not the easiest three weeks...dramatic changes...new friends...have to wake early...go home late...workload is sick...what can i say? jc life isnt a bed of roses. thats my conclusion. simple and everyone knows but now i KNOW. now i starting to regret a little taking biology...its the most taxing of all my subjects, content-heavy and hard to understand...in a way i envy those who dont take bio. and my timetable is packed fully. i think bio people doing 3As are second in stress level only to those who take 4As...well me definitely has a shorter fuse and memory getting poor. and strangely i started to avoid carbonated drinks... i wonder why?
anyway we got less ILTs now...now every free moment is treasured and anticipated to catch up on rest and tutorials. in a way its more enjoyable cuz of the shift away from a more rigid curriculum...but also means i gotta be more responsible...which is quite hard cuz i'm tempted to catch up on sleep and not work...especially if my CG all want to sleep...its hard to stay awake either...guess sleepiness is contagious i must research on it in the future.
now the main prob is that my schools still not done...dustbins are far and few in between...and lots of mosquitoes...but theres a gentle hill beside my sch which we call the teletubby hill...cuz it looks like the teletubbies house...but other than that nothing much interesting at innova...students are tired...teachers are boring...good thing got this thing called weekends...
haha somehow managed to gather enough energy to go play pool wth junliang keith and brendan...keith and brendan real pros...i have nothing to say...i will just shut up...so tired...still miss good pasta...at least pasta that tastes like pasta...*yawn*...tired...z....sleep...z z...sleeeeeep...z z z...z z z z.....

- posted by wei chuan @ Saturday, January 22, 2005

 
third day into lecture week...bloody boring. so many free periods, which our dearest principal insists on calling Individual Learning Time(ILT) even though everyone knows everyone will just slack and stone during free periods. timetable really poorly planned...i ended up with 3 and a half hours of free period on tuesday and only going for 2 lessons on friday...so many free periods bored so go canteen and eat...hope to grow fatter...
still i know this time next week i wont be bored of being bored...but rather bored with being so busy...tutorials start next week...now suddenly starting to regret taking biology...super hard...last time is can understand all...now i can only understand about 3/4 of it...really, really difficult...now i know why people advice me not to take biology...but doesnt matter...i made the choice...i'll pay the consequences...
new class...seperate from all my OG friends and also my GM friends(although none went to IJC in the first place). kinda uncomfortable in a new environment...but thats only for a while...hope i get to know my classmates soon...people of 1S08...know a couple(of people) frm arts stream also...this girl called sutiean(the punk hair on campfire nite!) and someone elses name whom i forgot...
well kinda its a chance to start anew i guess...new environment...new people...new chance to live as a light...but sometimes its so hard...in the sunshine, sure, its easy to see God but wait till when the storms come...crashing thunder...cold rain...dark and gloomy...seeing God is a lot harder...i wonder how i will hold on to Him...lots of chaos in my life right now...its almost like my life is collapsing around me. which isnt much of a surprise...seeing how i screw up most things that i set out to do...well...only one word to describe how i feel right now: jaded. pretty much given up on life...just obeying and waiting for my death...

- posted by wei chuan @ Wednesday, January 12, 2005

 
well...end of the first week. my only comment is: really tiring. its not easy to wake up at 5am in the morning daily and travel for like 1 hr 30 mins just to get to school...actually the orientation is quite nice...but i was just so tired that i couldnt enjoy much of it...and then also my OG all like to keep a low profile, so when other people bomb each other we just shut up and avoid...which we did.
1st day was just some group games...we did pretty well, won most of them...remember the best one is where one side got 5 people piggyback another 5...then the person who is being piggybacked have to guide the piggybacker(whos blindfolded) meanwhile the other team send out 5 people who have to avoid being caught...haha...me was last survivor cuz i keep sliding under their arms!(my shoes wearing out liao) but then the others okok only...then also made our flag - a superugly thing that was meant for the dustbin...then they give us the paint in the plastic cups...and the paint dissolved(or reacted cuz i not sure) away the cup and it just collapsed and spilled paint onto the newspapers on the ground...that was first day...went home...ate dinner...MSNed awhile about 30 mins...then hit the deck and zzz immediately...
tues also quite boring...spent e whole morning getting advice on combi choices...then submitted...had no lunch cuz i donated all my money to e tsunami donation thingy(yea innovians supposed to have compassion)...then tried e mass dance...after that had some telematch...got one is transfer different kinds of balls from one end to another...but cant use hands so my group used mouth! yes it was like mouth-to-mouth! and me so suay(i volunteered) at the back so i like taking 8 people's saliva...ended earlier a little...slept a little more...
3rd day started with some funny TAR kind of game...then cant jaywalk so inconvenient...and then only one girl on our group...then she dun want to run...so we all walk...somehow we made it into the top 15 i think...then mass dance again...then we discussed what we perform for campfire nite on fri...left quite late too...made it to prayer gathering...reached home around 11+ slept immediately...
thursday in the morning was mass dance...we mastered it! then we had lunch and then played some war games...where u gotta carry helium balloons to the other hand to float something...in between got lines of enemy defenders...haha at first discuss what 2 ppl go centre 4 go left 4 go right...in the end just chiong so easy...just fake them then their lines break and run thru...got one i even walk thru cuz their hole in the line is huge...tired also...had dinner then slept like a pig...
friday the best...our performance was getting sticks and hit the chairs kind of thing...haha we practice went quite well...then go on stage got lots of echoes and then we all lose coordination and just any-o-how hit the chairs...somehow we won the best performance...dunno how...
well thats basically my orientation...actually i think it should be quite nice...but i was pretty tired cuz every morning wake up so early so i didnt fully enjoy...well gotta wake at 0445am on monday morning which is around 3 hours from now...owl instinct kicking in...nitez

- posted by wei chuan @ Monday, January 10, 2005

 
new year, new begginings...tml i'm going to that school in woodlands...long journey ahead...wonder what time i'll reach home...well...who cares...God sent me there...i'll find out what He wants me to do and do it...just hoped He'll be pleased...cuz i seem to screw up everything these few days...so sad...welcomed this year with death, death and more death...e tsunami and earthquake thingy and two sisters(no blood relation) from my church have lost a grandfather and a mother...so sad...the new year's barely began and more have died...well...at least there're people being born...so it isnt so sad anymore...
thinking about the tsunami...i realise how frail the average human is...sure we can tame chickens, cats, dogs and lots of other animals...we can go to space...we can make wars and kill each other...but we'll never be as efficient killers as nature...on the other hand, we'll also never be as efficient restorers(if there's such a word) as nature...just makes me wonder why God would bother with such insignificant beings...if we sinned in the first place, why bother to die for us on the cross, bother to go through all the scourging, rejection and pain? why not just whipe out the entire universe and restart? surely He had the power to do that...and now again and again i come back to the only answer, the most simple truth that one can find and own: He loves us. Thank You.

- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, January 02, 2005

 
so i really was correct...the death toll would go above 100,000 so sad that i'm correct...cant imagine how many families are grieving...i think many families are totally killed off...thats how deadly it is...cant imagine the magnitude of this disaster also...really reminded me that in the end no matter the debates about which new-generation fighter or tank or gun is better...in the end only nature can cause destruction on such a large scale...its really the silent killer...i think it's killed more people than all the wars and accidents combined...
sometimes i wonder how come good'ole s'pore didnt get hit...i think in some ways we deserve it. at least logistically and infrastucture-wise, we can handle it...and i think many s'poreans need a wakeup call...s'poreans nowadays think they own everything...sometimes i feel ashamed when i hear tourists shake their heads and go 'tsk tsk'...i wonder if this is how we act outside singapore...a raging tsunami smashing everything in its path would really show them how small they are...how weak and insignificant people...

- posted by wei chuan @ Friday, December 31, 2004

 
havent been updating for some time...well yesterday there was a richter 9.0(!) earthquake somewhere off aceh...and it generated massive tsunamis which pummeled the coasts of india, sri lanka, phuket, indonesia, malaysia and duno where else...at least count more than 11,000 confirmed dead...miraculously few already, considering that an earthquake of this magnitude typically releases more energy then the world's nuclear and non-nuclear arsenal COMBINED...still, many affected are fisherman or farmers...poor people...unless the UN gets its act together(unlike all its screwups in the last few months) lots more will die...fortunately aid operations arent easy to screwup...the key thing is making sure there isnt a massive scramble for food...thats up to the aid workers...lets keep those survivors in prayer...

anyway on to more local affairs...thurs afternoon was happily eating my cheng tng(or wadever its called) when i looked into the spoonful of soup and saw...A SPIDER!!!! a huge one at that!!! well...when it finds its way into your soup...it will invariably look big...thats because the soup will refract light...and also fear will make it look bigger...so guys...if you're at a coffeeshop called A-Plus coffee shop...beware of the dessert stall...

okok...my bro wanna use comp...thats all for today...



- posted by wei chuan @ Tuesday, December 28, 2004

 
going to christocentric tml! finally the day has arrived...almost ready liao...camp bulletin only needs to write down theme verse...and all my stuff ready except i havent pack into bag...by the time u read this most probably me is at christocentric...last till wed...hehe...will spend lots of time with e book...better not forget...what an irony if i go for a church camp and forget my Bible...dunno others will laugh or kill me...or maybe they will laugh THEN kill me...

gotta sleep...sorry sister winnie...have to renege on my promise to sleep early...cuz lots of things to pack...then suddenly found my sleeping bag...paiseh...going to sleep now...

- posted by wei chuan @ Monday, November 29, 2004

 
holidays...relax...slack...and waste money...been going out since wednesday...no more money! partyly cuz i bought lots of stuff to make e camp bulletin...but in the end still screwed up the whole thing...lucky for personal consumption only...feel like just spending the day at home...dun want to go service...but i know my conscience being stabbed by an angel...so must go...will go...now just waiting for the weekend to end and for next week to come...christocentric camp and class chalet!

christo camp sure very sure...2 sessions daily...3(or more) hours each...continuous...siao...but thats a challenge...just hope that it isnt too draining...otherwise the people at e class chalet will wonder where i've gone(or where i HAVENT gone)...haha...but i think it will be fun...havent spent such a long time together with my four GM foundation ppl...3d2n...and sleeping bagsto boot! haha...better go disinfect later...havent used since sec 3 camp i think...hha...thinking back sec 3 camp...so fun...wish it could last forever...now i feel more lonely than ever...buddy going to new zealand...so lucky...and he still complain! if i could go overseas i'd be so happy...well...haha...last few days everyday go guilin...haha...events...solitude...YF...tml service...really dun feel lik going...so tired and still need to prepare for christo camp...so many things to pack...maybe i should just bring 2 sets of clothing...one for sleeping and one for day wear...haha...

anyway comp just kenna some funny little virus which messes around with passwords and userids...u type e correct one then they will find a word from somewhere else in ur comp and put in place of ur userid...lucky could go messenger cuz i set auto signin...thnx to norton i got rid of it...and now quarantine my comp till tml...no sending email or files...anyway to whom it may concern pls delete all email from me in e recent days....

okay now gotta end cuz mother nagging at me to sleep...so thats it for today...

- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, November 28, 2004

 
ever seen a bored weichuan? too bad i dun have a good camera to take a pic of myself...slouching in the chair with the classic "i'm bored" face...even resorting to playing yahoo word games...now parents watching the taiwan thunderbolt...this liu wen cong guy wanna commit suicide...haha

crossworlds today at guilin...and me anxiously waiting for christocentric camp...and f4/3 class chalet...these few days so boring(turns out he didnt kill himself) and i running outta cash cuz tues played LAN overboard and bought jieshuns present...well...the present was worth it...the LAN...too much...should have played less...

anyway crossworlds today we learnt to make sushi...haha but me dislike japanese food so didnt eat...and the vinegar smell so strong...the whole place stank of vinegar and we had to air the whole place...open the windows that were behind e OHP screen...now then i realise that our humble little church got a window! turns out me is so NOT observant...what to do? this is obviously too small a thing to commit suicide over...

and that guowei...just like i once was...the "seeing is believing" kind of person...but hes very passionate abt his stand...and me and franz had a hard time cracking his shell(we didnt). and me so useless...end up from sharing gospel to arguing with him...what a useless fool...that wc...he sucks...and so irritating. what an arse!

yup...thats abt how i feel...useless and out of place in this alien world...haha maybe i should go and sign up for nasa's astronaut programme and then go mars or something...leave this stupid place behind...and all my worries sorrows and fears...

- posted by wei chuan @ Thursday, November 25, 2004

 
here i am at home...right after o levels...yes it has ended! but yet...this time, freedom brings with it a tinge of sadness...knowing that we probably wont see each other again for a long time...even as i walked into the school this morning, i suddenly realised that it was the last time i entered the school as a student...the last time i wore the uniform as a student...probably the last time we all shared our joy(or suffered) together for the last paper...

thinking back to when i entered the school...everyone was so foreign...everything so strange...i thought i would hate secondary life...would savour the moment when i left school...but now, everything's changed...

(this is dedicated to all who have walked in and out of my life in the past 4 years)
i know sometimes i brought u sorrow and (hopefully) joy but thnx for being patient with me and my stubborn hot tempered self...spending 4 years with me must have been tough, haha...thnx for all your counsel even though many times i rejected them...thnx for your company when i was lonely...thnx for sharing your joy with me and making me happy...though u may not think much abt it...but i really appreciate all the things u've done for me...

well...to all my friends...even though u probably wont see this...even though u probably just find me an irritating bugger and wont miss me...i'll miss you all...

- posted by wei chuan @ Monday, November 22, 2004

 
i'm so careless...lost my phone within 3 weeks...3 weeks! anyway thnx to victor, jieshun and junliang...went all the way to bedok and then later to clementi...across e island. and even willing to wait for that starhub-ad-covered bus which i dropped my phone in. anyway our efforts in vain...someone took it i guess...

well...what comes around goes around...that phone was picked up by my parents too...so its free...and the card left only 4 dollars or so...so no great loss...but wonder when or IF i will ever get one again...probably not i guess...me so careless...lost so many things...why havent lost myself yet? maybe if i lose myself there'll be world peace...as the ms universe contestants always work for but have never achieved...

anyway one more paper...really don't want to study...parents keep telling me that its e last paper...but so what? i'm running out of strength,motivation and desire to study...really...me is about to break...my parents are driving me insane! probably about 5 minutes after i finish this entry...they'l again ask if i'm studying...for the 20(or so)th time today...running outta steam...i just want to rest...to relax...not have the weight and worry of my future resting on me....it's such a heavy burden...i can't breathe anymore...it's all e education systems fault...yeah...our birthrates are falling cuz of education...but nt because more ppl focusing on careers...but because they see the system and think "no kid shld go thru this" and they don't have kids...thats the real reason...

yesterday was touched when i received back an email which i sent to some ppl...never gotten back a mail before...and didnt expect to...haha...corners of my eyes went damp...yeah...call me a crybaby...emotional...wadever...was very touched

- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, November 21, 2004

 
okay...so word's out that there is something wrong with e bio paper...that stupid graph wasn't a figment of our imaginations...but a fact of reality! to rejoice or not? well...thing is...i don't really care anymore...in the end...the final decision lies with the education ministry...so if they decide to declare the whole paper invalid and give us all ungraded for bio...well...thats too bad....

just hope that they will make us resit the entire paper...most fair...otherwise if they cancel the question...not fair to those who studied everything...but if they give full marks for e question...they those who never studied aren't getting what they deserved...thats my reasons...anyway...realised my attitude towards this whole thing was wrong...so proud...must have sounded like a spoilt brat. even if they are old and blind(and likely because they are old and blind), doesnt mean they cant make mistakes...even if they are supposed to check the paper till they can memorise every word in it...doesnt give me the right to condemn them for a mistake...well...they ARE humans, albeit very old ones...guess i've repented...

anyway...arafat is finally dead after two weeks of severe illness...so what will israel do? remains to be seen...they might just invade palestine and take over the whole place(which probably is what they want to do) but then world opinion might turn against them...well...i wonder of his death will bring peace or chaos to the middle east...

- posted by wei chuan @ Saturday, November 13, 2004

 
mug mug mug...thats the motto for students these days...so many subjects to study that we can't cope...how to be all-rounders when we only have time to eat and study? who bothers about CIP whehn it doesnt show up on the cert? someone tell them: IT'S KILLING THE KIDS!

yes...me is spending all day studying...all because of o-levels...whats the obsession with results? oh yeah, because it's gonna determine our futures. if our northern neighbours decide they don't want to tolerate us anymore, well, i can only say that o-level certs have never stopped bullets...and neither will phds...

okay...anymore about studies and i will die...or commit suicide...watched with interest the american elections...well bush won again...what can i say? i admit i support kerry, but well, anyone's better than bush...guess he's gonna continue with his 'democratisation' of iraq and afghanistan...but this begs one question, mr bush, in two peoples who have been living for decades and even centuries under absolute, authoritian rule with no choice whatsoever, are the iraqis and afgans mature enough as a populace to make decisions that can affect their country when they have no experience before? i know u wish to pull out...but u've pretty much screwed them up but turning their worlds upside down and throwing them in the deep end...just don't leave them there...

anyway people...guess i owe all of u an apology...must be been pretty much of an arse...yes...thats the word...thats me...muz say sorry for being so temperemental and buay hiao bai...sorry...also must have been selfish and only looked out for myself...sorry sorry...wish i can repent but as it seems that our time together is effectively over, seems too late liao...to seemun, junliang, victor, jieshun, shuyi and brendan...thnx for being so tolerant...really want to apologise

- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, November 07, 2004

 
okay...a little behind the times...the euros are over, and so are the olympics...and the presidential race just ended with bush winning...argh...that guy...i rather the bush(on topo maps) to be president...at least they just stand(or sit or whatever) at the same spot everyday...dun make a sound...dun start wars on feeble excuses of WMDs and then al-qaeda links or whatever...and even if they dun create jobs...at least they dun screw up the economy...okay...anyway this whole election is stupid...what kerry and bush basically saying is to vote for them not because of what they can do...but because they're better then the other...stupid reasons...are americans that stupid? i cant believe it...
well, anyway i've shifted to my new home...and now major exams and i still dun feel the pressure...scary...what can i do? exams are stupid...if s'pore wants to us to be creative, then let us set our own exams! or at least less theory-based...stupid stupid stupid...me also stupid...ten-year-series got so many problems for me to solve and stupid me still talking about stupid things in stupid america...yup...i'm stupid, i'm an idiot...dunno how to study, dunno how to bring peace to the world...dunno how to do anything...life sucks...well...even if i dunno how to study...i should at least try to...then i can answer to myself...to my parents...to whoever asks why my results so poor...one last thing...finally turned 16...recently so many good nc-16 movies cant watch...all because there's more gore than usual...

- posted by wei chuan @ Thursday, November 04, 2004

 
arghh...england lost...lucky i fell asleep during 2nd half...never see portugal win...only a consolation i guess...haha...now at someone else's house...waiting for time to go by...and now i got a prob! having the same dream time and again...4 nites liao! can't get it out of my head! help...now i feel so confused...who i like? i dunno! and now me is waiting for something to happen before i go to sarah's bbq...haha...sianz...anyway...i guess it's pretty boring...this blog...
- posted by wei chuan @ Friday, June 25, 2004

 
so tired...today go EYF...only got yesterday to rest...weekends went shuyi's chalet...haha...froze the whole nite...dunno which idiot turn so low...chalet at changi there...so beautiful at nite...so quiet...so romantic...next time i must bring whoever's lucky enough to be my girlfriend there...and the bbq not bad...must say that huineng's cooking quite good...but i never eat much...i never do at bbqs...and then duno play some stupid lame games...haha...all the way until almost 4...then we had qt...slept at around 5...but i never really slept...just dozed...cuz gastric...whole nite...fun...dunno why had this strange feeling of wanting to swim...but so sad...only two days....**sigh**...wish it lasted longer...but it was rather nice...the whole place was so beautiful...so lots of things that i should see(and i saw) and a few things that i shouldnt see...very nice...but somehow...i left feeling more confused abt myself than when i entered...
- posted by wei chuan @ Tuesday, June 22, 2004

 
stupid day...idiot richard chia...why did he have to zap my essay? and for her whole class some more! argh...so now my secret is out cuz i went crazy during midyear...well...whole day been sniped at by various teachers...and after that went to eat mac...arrived just as they closed...so pissed...so now what? wonder if i should tell her...she probably knows by now...should i just muster what little courage i have left and tell her? and hope that it doesnt wreck whatever friendship that we have? my mind is so confused...somehow i know that this is a great opportunity...but then...i'm not prepared to tell her...this is too important a time...with the Os slowly crushing us...i'm not sure...i'm just not sure...and worst of all...the people i least expected to be surprised...they laughed! and not just once...the two people i trusted...with all my secrets...you have betrayed me...in doing so...whatever trust that i had in you...its all gone...destroyed...I HATE YOU!
- posted by wei chuan @ Tuesday, June 08, 2004

 
argh...missed hillsongs! no one told me the date...argh...otherwise...fine weekend...cousin got married...hope she gets a kid soon...haha...and today had lunch with friends...every long haven't had lunch with them liao(u know who u are) thnks anyway...and now most of my church is somewhere in Port Dickson...church camp...can't believe my parents dun let me go...well...guess it's gonna be nice...**Sigh**...yet another golden opportunity flying away...a confusing weekend...really...sometimes i'm delirous with joy...other times crying out in anguish...yet other times moody or sulky...haha...dunno how people put up with me...well...i guess God sprinkled angels along our road of life so that it won't be that monotonous...yet i dunno whether it's just me or it applies to everyone...i dun seem to appreciate my angels...
- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, June 06, 2004

 
roasted...spent the whole day at West Coast...haha...the sun sure was happy today...now i'm totally roasted inside out...just add a little thyme and maybe some basil...roasted human! anyway pretty disgusted with myself...but cant say the reason...just think that i should just commit suicide...otherwise someday i will kill or hurt someone...anyway my tang-jie's wedding on sat! haha...wonder when will i have a new niece or nephew...haha...bad thing is...i gonna mis Friendster Day...sorry Emmaus people...mother's orders...cant even find time to run away...whole day taken up...tml school again...boring...stupid school...eat up half ours hols enough...still call it "official school term"! what kinda crap is that? lousy school...lucky i leaving in a couple of months...still can't decide whether it's a blessing or a curse...
- posted by wei chuan @ Thursday, June 03, 2004

 
haha...dun feel like studying...so go update this again...know living at my grandpa's place cuz my new home still under renovation...not bad...nice place...hawker centre right below...everyday walk thru it on the way to school got all kinda smells...nice smells...make me so hungry...wanna eat...also i got my own room! yeah! small...but hey, i've never had my own room before...only bad thing is mosquitoes...haha...i seem to be rather tasty...or maybe just a new fad...good...dunno also...feeling all kinda things...heart a big mess...can't concentrate on work...what to do? guess i gotta be owl again...at least this time won't wake my bro up...hes got his own room too...good...i quite like this place...and quiet too...good luck to all the owls taking chinese tomorrow...hope u willdo well...good luck to you all...wish i could recommend songs for u people...haha...but i wonder which would be appropriate...maybe He will carry you? nice song and i got the chinese version...
- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, May 30, 2004

 
hahaz....apparently my grandad's house got internet...so here i am...anyway chinese tomorrow...the actual thing! the paper of which i have wasted exactly 3 hours of my life...yes three hours only...but i guess can't do anything now...guess gotta do better for the other papers to make up for my lousy chinese score...if i can get B4 i'll smile...and if i get b3 i'll kiss everyone in sight...but thats a big if...
- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, May 30, 2004

 
shifted lots of things today...whole morning just to do that...funny how my house can look like theres little things...but when you shift...seems like ur house is bigger than it appears to be...funny how we need so many things to live...when we dun really need most of them...my house still being renovated...so me is going to move to my grandpa's house 1st...nice place...but another case of so near yet so far...i can actually walk there...but then not near...and can take train...but only one stop...haha...MAYBE i will walk...
- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, May 23, 2004

 
shifting house...busy moving and packing things...probably won't update till end-June...byez for now...
- posted by wei chuan @ Sunday, May 23, 2004

 
thinking back...realise that i have a few people to thank... all my good friends at GM...i realise i couldn't have survived these few years without your help...without your guidance...counsel...all the joy that u've given me(i forgotten all the sorrow and anger liao)...junliang...brendan...shuyi...seemun...binhua...amie...and the list isn't even complete...thanks for all that you've done for me...and especially for being so tolerant of my frequent and erratic outbursts of anger...guess i owe u ppl years of lunches for putting up with me...thanks people...thanks...really appreciate it...
- posted by wei chuan @ Thursday, May 20, 2004

 
exams over! first good thing thats happened to me this week...a week that's only half over but managed to turn me from my cheery weekend mood to a very glum one...anyway finally have my freedom...but even so, the spectre of the Chinese Os looms over everything that i do...well...i guess this year there wont be an end to exams...just a brief respite between papers...anyway today watched Troy...pretty good...especially Achilles' killer move...stylo...and then spent hours in the arcade...strange thing is...dunno why...juz now depressed or something...didn't feel like toking much at all...lots of things to brood on...and i think only one person actually noticed my silence...but won't name that person...u know who you are...anyway thnx for your concern...at least i not so suicidal now...though still quite suicidal...anyway...life still sux...but if u wanna ask me why my template is so plain...dun ask...i won't change anyway...it's the content that matters, people, not the appearance...but it seems like the world is advocating the exact opposite

- posted by wei chuan @ Wednesday, May 19, 2004

 
Life absolutely SUCKS. study life sucks. family life sucks. love life...well, i don't have one...so the good thing is that it can't suck. haha...anyway lots of wounds in my heart...i think i'm gonne bleed to death...i don't think i will pass the exams this time...studied so hard...spent so much time...i the end, it doesn't matter...i've given up on exams...i've given up on myself...given up on life in general...what for? i suceed in NOTHING that i do...what a loser...even my english going from bad to worse...life really, really sucks...and i don't even have any confidence in passing exams...if some guy were to point a pistol at me...i'll tell him to fire...make it a clean shot...rather die than live this stupid life...so sad...studied so hard but gonna fail anyway...sorry God...
- posted by wei chuan @ Tuesday, May 18, 2004

 
all the sun has gone out of my life...now i feel like an empty ship, wandering around in hostile waters...either i meet with the perfect storm...or u-571...and i'm not sure where i'm drifting...all i know is i've not sunk yet...all i know is i'm still floating...but sometimes i wonder if being at the bottom of the sea is better...at least i won't be wondering around...at least i'll have fishy friends...life has no meaning for me anymore...maybe tomorrow i won't even turn up for school...maybe i'll just commit suicide...
- posted by wei chuan @ Monday, May 17, 2004